The Unexpected

Sometimes blogging sucks. Okay, maybe it's not the act of blogging that is the issue, but rather life that's hard. A blog is kind of a window into a life, after all.

If you've followed ours at all over the past three years of existence (wow), you probably know us pretty well. I know that I don't write about everything on this blog. No one wants to know how incredibly much my child poops (although I may have mentioned it before) or how hard it is to keep my house clean or how ridiculous our two cars are. I don't often catalogue my list of frustrations, disappointments or hurts. But sometimes it is unavoidable. Example: when you announce to the blogging world that you're pregnant, when you end up losing the baby.

As much as I'd like to move right on and not skip a beat, you might wonder why my belly isn't expanding. Why I'm not counting down the days or writing about Clara's baby sister or brother.

I know. There really isn't that much to say. Or much to say in response, really.

I have cried and cried. And probably will for a long time. And I've thought about way too many things. Like why it didn't happen earlier. But how glad I am that it didn't happen later. And how sad that Clara won't have a little brother or sister very close in age. But that hopefully she still will have a little brother or sister. And hopefully more than one. But what if we have more trouble in the future. And why did I decide to go on a run last week when I probably shouldn't have. And how I'm going to tell all the people that don't know. And mostly how we will move on without breaking.

I know we will get through, though, even if it takes a while. Right now I am clinging tightly to a few things I know for sure.

*God is faithful.

*God is good.

*He doesn't make mistakes - and he has a plan for our lives.

*And I am blessed beyond measure.

I have found much hope in the lyrics of this song by Brian Johnson. It's one I've always loved but now it holds new meaning to me.

"If my heart is overwhelmed and I cannot hear your voice, I hold on to what is true, though I cannot see. If the storms of life may come and the road ahead gets steep, I will lift these hands in faith. I will believe. I remind myself of all that you've done. And the life I have because of your Son. Love came down and rescued me. Love came down and set me free. I am yours. I am forever yours. Mountain high or valley low: I sing out, remind my soul that I'm yours. I am forever yours."