Boy or Girl?

I recognize the fact that I am a bit of an emotional basket case these days. I know. Blame it on the hormones. It doesn't take much to bring me to tears lately. Or to respond in heightened emotion. I can say without a doubt that I am just a bit more sensitive than normal. And I really really don't like it. Hurrah for pregnancy and motherhood. It does crazy things, I tell you.

With that being said, I will just come out and say that being surprised (when it comes to the sex of our baby) has been a little bit more challenging this time around than last. And most of it is in my sensitivity, I think.

It hasn't been harder because of the unknown, though the desire to know is certainly killing me at this point. It hasn't been harder because of the planning aspect (there are, of course, challenges with decorating, etc - but it was just the same with Clara).

What has been harder about it, this time around? Other people. Okay, not all other people. Most people are great. But some people. Ugh. Let me explain.

I think when you don't know what you're having, it invites people to share their opinions and comments more readily. Especially when it comes to what gender of child they assume you want.

Don't get me wrong. I love when people guess what we're having. That's the fun of it! And there are so many theories. The Chinese calendar. Carrying high or low. The shape of your belly. The heart rate of the baby. All of these things are great. I'm not talking about guessing.

What I'm talking about is people freely asserting what they assume you want. I mean, obviously everyone knows exactly what a mom to be wants, right? (I hope you're reading my sarcasm ;))

When you know what you're having, people ask and you say "I'm having a girl". Done deal. When you tell people it's a surprise, it's astonishing how many say, "well obviously you're wanting a boy".

Um, actually??? What are you supposed to say to that??!

Yes, we would LOVE a boy. Or nope, we'd LOVE a girl? Both happen to be entirely true. We really wouldn't be waiting if we had a preference.

What happens is I just end up getting offended. Then defensive. Then waaayyy overly sensitive. It's a pretty bad combination at 38 weeks. And then I go home and cry to Jonathan that I just wish we had found out so people would stop stop stop.

This is all quite ridiculous, I know. It's not that big of a deal what people think I want. And as tempting as it is, I don't need to say something really awkward (and slightly vengeful) like "actually it's been a really hard year and we miscarried and I'd really love either one, thanks". I can just politely nod and realize that people are weird and they say silly things and it's all going to be okay.

Can you tell that this is a bit of a soap box for me right now? At some point I wanted to document my thoughts on the surprise, and here they are...

Having a boy. Gosh that would be amazing. It is actually what I pictured when I looked ahead to motherhood: having lots of boys. And I know I would love it. Some of my closest friends have boys and I adore them; they're so much fun. I'd love to experience having both sexes. And I know that having a male around this place would bring a good balance. Two and two. Seems pretty great, I think.

And then I think about having a girl. Never mind the fact that we're already in girl mode (bows, babylegs and all) but....Sisters! That one word brings more emotion to me than nearly any other. I love my sister. Like really really love my sister. I honestly just get teary thinking of Clara having a sister. And the crazy thing? Leah and I are 2 years and 8 months apart (to the day). If this little one is a girl, she and Clara will be 2 years and 7 months apart. Pretty awesome, I think.

So there you have it. How could I ever choose? I am just so glad I don't have to. I laugh now at how I thought Clara was a boy. And how on some level I thought I wanted a boy first. I am so so glad that God didn't consult me when he created the perfect plan for our family. Don't get me wrong - I'm sure I would have loved a boy. I am just so blessed beyond measure with the gift of Clara. And I would never have it any other way.

What do I think we're having this time around? I have no idea. Really! I try to imagine the moment of "it's a...." and picture which one would come as a surprise. I kind of think having a boy might surprise me more, so maybe it means I think it's a girl? I'm not sure. It changes daily. Hourly. All I can say is that I'm excited to find out :).