On Having Two

I figure that I better jump back on board to this whole blogging thing or I might throw in the towel entirely. I am sure I will find my groove again. There are plenty of mamas of 2+ who have found time to continue their little blogs. So I should be able to too, right? One would think ;).

I am slowly figuring out our rhythm around here. Slowly. Having two little ones has been amazing, terrifying, awesome, exhausting, and about twelve hundred more adjectives. What I can say is that every day has gotten a little bit easier. Just a little bit.

It wasn't easy in the beginning, let me tell you. Although I vaguely remember the hard moments with Clara, most of them were pushed off the cliff to the abyss (that is my brain) long ago. I mean, I remembered all the sweet newborn cuddles. And something about repeated mastitis. But that was about it. As a friend pointed out, that is probably a good thing. If we remembered everything we might not keep having children, right?! ;)

I'm not saying this last month has been all bad. It hasn't been. Caleb is so precious and wonderful and perfect. I love him. And I know I would go through this month again and again if I had to. But it has been hard at times. Quite hard. The lack of sleep is enough to make anyone crazy. So is figuring out what works and what doesn't work for an entirely different human being than his older sister (To swaddle or not to swaddle? The binky? What does this cry mean? How does he like to be held? Etc. etc. etc.) Oh, and add to the mix a 2.5 year old who has been acting a little bit less than normal (read euphemism) since the birth of her baby brother. It's felt a little bit crazy. There have certainly been moments of crying and pooping and chaos when Jonathan and I have had to just laugh out loud because we don't want to cry - and we would rather just see the humor in it. It's funny, right? We're hoping to look back and think so.

I think the hardest part about all of it is feeling two completely different things at the same time:

Thing 1: Caleb is so small and he's growing so fast and he's not going to be a newborn much longer and everything is flying by and and and...

Thing 2: I just can't wait until we make it to the three month mark. Or the sleeping through the night mark. Or the getting Clara to stop intentionally pooping her pants mark.

Maybe that's the everyday challenge of motherhood, huh? You are looking ahead to the next, easier landmark. While trying to savor the days.

I do want to be much better at savoring the days. I am blessed. Each day is a gift. That I know. It's just been a little bit more challenging these last few weeks.

I will end on a positive note. The past week has been great. Really great. And I'm not just saying that. Yes, there are still hard moments. Trust me on that one. But there have been so many wonderful little moments that have snuck in. Like cuddling with both sleeping kiddos on the couch. And watching Clara plaster Caleb with the 12,000th kiss of the day. And figuring out enough of a rhythm to cuddle Caleb AND enjoy one on one time with my little girl. One day at a time. It's getting better.

What follows are just a few pictures from the past month. More to come later. And much less serious stuff. I promise.